While I try to be as timely as possible in providing you, the reader, with the latest Minor League news, it is inevitable that sometimes I fall behind. I am only human, after all, and not some sort of cyborg information disseminator.
With many apologies to those who believe that time is of the essence, I now present a handful of interesting Minor League news items that all emanated from that hazy period of history colloquially known as "last week".
From the "It Was Only A Matter of Time" Department: Swiping a page from the playbook of the
Toledo Mud Hens and Huntsville Stars, the Lake Elsinore Storm have extended a contract offer to beleaguered slugger Barry Bonds. Not as a player, mind you, but in the office of Media Relations. The Storm’s offer includes "expanded cubicle space with barcalounger and plasma TV."
"We just think the way he handled the media with such grace over the years that he would be a perfect fit in our media relations department," said Storm GM Chris Jones.
Presumably, Jones said this with a straight face, with no discernible trace of sarcasm or irony. Or, at least that is what I choose to believe.
Moose Loose on the Roof: I have chronicled a wide variety of off-season promotions this season, but none of them involved a costumed moose serving breakfast to a roof-dwelling elementary school principal. Until now. On Thursday, Rocky Bluewinkle of the Wilmington Blue Rocks ascended a fire ladder in order to deliver a morning meal to Principal Charles Sheppard of Townsend Elementary School. Sheppard slept on the roof the night before because his students had far exceeded their reading quota for the school year. Well, that makes sense.
Actually, it does. Click here.
Turtle Power: This might be my favorite bit of mascot news from the entire offseason. It involves Snappy, the Beloit Snappers‘ inimitable costumed turtle. From the press release:
"Anytime a fan spots Snappy at an event outside of Pohlman Field, he or she will have a chance to
win tickets to a Snappers home game this year. Be the first person to run up to Snappy, at the event, and shout ‘Snapper-tastic!’ Snappy will then have no choice but to surrender two tickets to a Snappers home game this season."
My favorite part of this offer is that Snappy has no choice in the matter. Apparently, the word "Snapper-tastic" causes him to lose his free will. The long-debated philosophical question of whether mascots are able to exercise free will in the first place is one we’ll have to put aside for another day, unfortunately. I have more important things to do…
…like vote in the Second Round of Minors Moniker Madness. Make sure that you do the same!
Coming tomorrow: The latest news from today!