Trenton Makes (Contests Involving Mustaches, Meat, and Two-Person Hand Games), The World Takes

Thumbnail image for trenton_logo.GIFThe term “less is more” is bandied about quite often in these waste-conscious times, but this aphorism rarely applies to the world of Minor League Baseball.

More often than not, “More is More” is a superior promotional philosophy. That was certainly the angle taken by the Trenton Thunder during last month’s “Weird Contest Week”, as the club staged off-kilter competitions over three consecutive ballgames and marketed it as a 72-hour exercise in absurdity.

Tuesday, August 18 was “Mustache Night”, featuring free admission for those with upper lip hair. The facial hair of prominent New York Yankees was celebrated throughout the ballgame, and a “best mustache” contest was staged as well.

The winner of what must have been a heated competition was Mr. Andy Aupperle, who sported an angular look of style and precision:

Trenton -- Mustache Contest Winner.jpg

Is it just me, or does Aupperle look like a better-groomed version of Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton?


It’s okay…you can say it’s just me.

Meanwhile, other fans extended the definition of mustache to include both “pasted-on words” and “discarded dreadlock”. And by “other fans” I mean “this particular family”:

Trenton -- Mustache Family.jpg

The Thunder have 44 photos from this evening posted on their webpage. While this one doesn’t have anything to do with mustaches, I still feel compelled to share it:

Trenton -- Mustache Night Huge Sandwich.jpg

I believe that the top and bottom layers of that sandwich contain pork roll. I am a fan of pork roll, on levels both edible and anthropomorphic.

At any rate, the above fan would have been more at home during part II of “Weird Contest Week”, as the team staged a hot-dog eating contest. Observe this well-crafted short film:

Congratulations to winner Chad Heidel, who is employed by the team as a group sales account representative. As one can see from the video, Heidel’s victory resulted in instant celebrity status. Currently, “Chad Heidel” is surpassed only by “Kanye West”, “Patrick Swayze”, and “Tom Brady Sux” when it comes to the most common internet search engine queries.

Meanwhile, I find the nonchalance of this hot dog disturbing. He is overseeing the massacre of his own kind:

Trenton -- Costumed Hot Dog.jpg

The third and final “Weird Contest” was August 20th’s “Rock, Paper, Scissors” competition.

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors.jpg

Check out these riveting action shots:

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors action.jpg

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors Challenger.jpg

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors Champ.jpg

It was the gentleman above who emerged triumphant, a gentleman who goes by the name of Tim Ukaj (I’m going to go ahead and assume that his theme song is “We Will ‘Rock’ You”). Here, Mr. Ukaj basks in the glow of victory:

Trenton -- Rock Scissors Paper Trophy.jpg

That trophy doesn’t appear to have anything to do with “Rock, Paper, Scissors”, but there may be some subtle details that my all-too-human eyes are unable to discern.

Either way, I like that the Thunder took three common Minor League promos and bundled them together in order to create a whole greater than the sum of its parts. Hopefully other teams will build on this concept, so that one day we may be blessed with “Weird Contest Month”, “Weird Contest Year”, and, finally, “Weird Contest Entirety of Existence.”

More is more.

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