I have written many times in the past about Lehigh Valley’s propensity for pig puns, but they really outdid themselves with a press release put out on Friday.
In this missive, the team heaps praise upon a Washington man who saved a pig by giving it “mouth-to-snout” resuscitation:
In hearing a hoof-warming story of a man saving a pig through CPR in La
Center, Wash., IronPigs mascots FeRROUS and FeFe wanted to publicly
honor and award human hero Jeff Olson.
For his saving the life of “Pig Pig” though mouth-to-snout
resuscitation, the pair will be sending a care package to Olson —
which consists of an IronPigs sweatshirt, a bottle of Listerine and
tube of ChapStick – along with an offer for free IronPigs tickets for
he and his wife any time they are in the Lehigh Valley.
But here’s where it really gets good:
In a written statement, FeRROUS had the following words for Olson: “On
behalf of FeFe and all pigs in the Lehigh Valley, I would like to
porksonally say ‘thank you’ to Mr. Olson for going above and beyond the
Call of Suey. By risking life, limb and a lifetime of bad breath,
little Pig Pig will one day be able to go to the market.”
The appearance of “porksonally” and “Call of Suey” in the span of one sentence is a tremendous gift, the sort of thing that gives me the strength to carry on for another day.
Even if the day in question is exactly like the one that preceded it — Groundhog Day, if you will. And I assume you will, because that’s what today is — Groundhog Day, if you will. And I assume you will, because that’s what today is — Groundhog Day.
To sum it up: Groundhog Day is today!
The world-famous Punxutawney Phil saw his shadow, supposedly condemning the nation to six more weeks of winter. But those within the world of Minor League Baseball should instead heed the prognositications of Gwinnett County’s General Beauregard Lee, who failed to spot his shadow. General Lee has far greater baseball credentials, as he served as the inspiration for Gwinnett Braves mascot Chopper (the world’s most seductive groundhog, as you may recall).
Next up on the holiday calendar is Valentine’s Day, which I have already covered extensively. However, there is PLENTY more where that came from — prepare thyself.