Tagged: Costumed Crustacean Candidacy

Charlie Crist Cancellation Causes Costumed Crustacean Candidacy

stoney.JPGThis past Tuesday, Florida governor (and Senatorial candidate) Charlie Crist was scheduled to throw out the first pitch at a Charlotte Stone Crabs game.

Crist was forced to cancel his appearance, however, for reasons that are not important. What is important is that Crist’s cancellation caused Charlotte mascot Stoney to announce an impromptu bid for the U.S. Senate.

The announcement was made from Stoney’s subterranean lair (he literally lives “under the boardwalk”), and then distributed to the masses via the almighty press release:

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” Stoney said at the
press conference. “Also, no baseball or hot dogs. I don’t want to live
in a world with no baseball or hot dogs.”

The Stone Crabs mascot will run on a platform that tackles important
issues like mandatory
Stoney Campaign Poster.jpg field trips to baseball games for all students and
universal hot dog care (No Hot Dog Left Behind).

Stoney will hold a celebration for his Senate bid on Friday night as the
Stone Crabs take on the Palm Beach Cardinals at 7:05 p.m at Charlotte
Sports Park. He will throw out the Ceremonial First Pitch before the
game and has planned a special post-game fireworks show to kick off his

“Four score and seven years ago, I don’t know what year it was,” Stoney
said at the press conference. “But Friday, April 23 will be a night
that will live in infamy.” 

Stoney’s candidacy has made national news, as is usually the case when crabs make a bid for political office. The Atlantic interpreted the timing of the announcement as “sarcastic retribution” directed toward cancellin’ Charlie Crist, while the LA Times took it as an indicator of just how politically vulnerable the Governor has become.

crist.jpgThe Stone Crabs, for their part, insist that they were making fun of themselves and not Crist. This makes sense, as crustaceans are biologically incapable of expressing emotions as nuanced as “spite”. And Crist has connections in the industry, having served as general counsel for Minor League Baseball from 1983-88. Cross him at your peril.

At any rate, this appears to be the first mascot political attempt since Charlie T. RiverDog lobbied the Obama family to select him as nation’s first pet. I could be overlooking something, however. I often overlook things. Tell me what I overlooked: