Tagged: flopsweat

The Most Pressing Issue of the Day

mmm.jpgIn this age of information overload in which we live, it can be hard to cut through the clutter in order to focus on what truly matters.

But, today, I am asking my vast readership to do just this. Take a deep breath, ignore all outside distractions, and please give your undivided attention to this most worthy of causes:


Now in its third year, Minors Moniker Madness seeks to determine the best name in all of Minor League Baseball. Any questions you may have about this bracket-style tournament can be found in my introductory article, which is located RIGHT HERE.

When you’re ready to make your voice heard, then please head over to the polls. They are located RIGHT HERE. If you click a player’s name, then a picture, additional biographical information, and a short, ostensibly comedic blurb will pop up.

kingcomedy.jpgI would like it be known that I wrote all 64 of these blurbs, and it was no easy task. I was muttering, loosening my tie, and gesticulating wildly throughout the entire process, feeling like a Catskills comedian soldiering through c-list material in front of a bored after-dinner crowd. This despite the fact that I was alone in front of a computer (my usual state of being, as it were).

And, for the record, my eight favorite names in the contest (in no particular order):

Dusty Napoleon, Given Kutz, Flint Wipke, German Sacks, Darlin Duran, Beamer Weemsweems_beamer_96.jpg (pictured), Austin Bibens-Dirkx, and Jetsy Extrano.

Feel free to let me know your favorites. Leave a comment, send me an email, hire a skywriter, or just yell really loud. Its the thought that counts.