Do you like baseball? Do you like healthy and sensibly-portioned Minor League Baseball food offerings? Then you’ll what love the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers have been up to recently. The Rattlers, based in the fine city of Appleton, are really on a roll.
Last week, executive chef Tim Hansen (what, don’t all Class A baseball teams have executive chefs?) announced two additions to the team’s lineup of assuredly gargantuan and borderline Brobdingnagian sandwiches. Here’s a photo of Tim, taken during my 2013 visit to Appleton. All acclaim and approbation should be directed toward him. I’m just the messenger.
This is the Grilled Cheese Venom Cheeseburger. An entire grilled cheese sandwich is utilized as both the top and bottom bun; the “venom” in question is Sriacha sauce (which is surely more potent than the venom routinely emitted by ineffectual Timber Rattlers “evil mascot” Gnaf T. Rattler).
— TimothyMichaelHansen (@ChefTimHansen) February 19, 2016
Hansen, whose creations will make you go “MMMBurp”, also unveiled the “Meatlover’s Pizza Burger.”
Pizza, topped with sausage, pepperoni and bacon, is used as the bun. Upon consuming it, self-loathing is optional.
— TimothyMichaelHansen (@ChefTimHansen) February 19, 2016
The above two items are already on the menu. But, of course, there will be more. On Tuesday, the Timber Rattlers announced that their 2016 “Food Fight” is down to five finalists.
All photos were taken by Timber Rattlers creative director Ann Mollica, who, in 2013, obtained legendary status after snapping a photo of the ultra-elusive and until then apocryphal Whitewall Ninja. All food descriptions are courtesy of a press release disseminated by Timber Rattlers announcer Chris Mehring, who in 2013 reaffirmed his legendary status after dropping an apropos Sledgehammer reference at the close of an interview.
The Cheesehead: A juicy quarter pound burger topped with crispy bacon, mac n cheese and melted smoked cheddar served on a freshly baked split-top bun.
Glazed Donut Burger: A traditional glazed donut is grilled, giving off a sweet aroma of sugar and adding a juicy quarter pound burger, crispy bacon, onions, fresh lettuce and Wisconsin-made cheddar make this a burger to remember.
Grilled Cheese Chicken Sandwich: This sandwich places golden brown chicken tenders and crispy bacon between melted American cheese and grilled to perfection. It also comes with lettuce, tomato and onion and is served with a side of Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce.
Loaded Tater Tot Nachos: Don’t let the word ‘nachos’ deceive you. These tater tots combine everything you would expect. Golden brown tater tots and combining them with warm taco beef, nacho cheese, shredded Wisconsin cheddar, lettuce, tomato, onion and jalapeno’s. [sic]
Pork Donut: Using a Bismarck donut as a bun, this item is filled with pulled pork allowing the sweet and salty flavors to come alive and is served with a side of house-made coleslaw.
For the record, the man who submitted the above item into the Food Fight contest is named “Art Creation James.”
And that’s all I’ve got for you today. Stay tuned for another post tomorrow, when I will resume being the greatest Minor League Baseball blogger of all time.
The previous post in this “Return to the Road” blog saga covered the first half of my May 2015 trip through the Midwest. This post finishes the job, detailing my non-ballpark wanderings as I moved from Peoria to Cedar Rapids to Des Moines to Omaha.
I arrived in Peoria on the night of May 25 and thus had some free time in the early afternoon before attending May 26’s Chiefs game. When I have a small window of free time in a city that I’ve never been to, I find a record store to visit. It’s just what I do, as I’m a creature of habit.
This is Ribbon Records, a hybrid record and vintage clothing shop which, according to this blog post, is in a building formerly occupied by Murray’s Department Store.
Richard Pryor: “Wanted” (he is a Peoria native, after all)
Hank Williams: “Sings ‘Kaw-liga’ and Other Humorous Songs”
Motley Crue: “Too Fast for Love”
Nancy Sinatra: “Movin’ with Nancy”
That Nancy Sinatra LP is produced by Lee Hazlewood, and if you ever see Nancy and Lee’s names together on the same album then do not think. Just buy!
The only other things I can tell you about my time in Peoria, outside of the ballpark, was that I ate lunch at Lorena’s….
It is obscene how much I enjoy pork cracklins.
The cover art is inexcusably awful, but this is a well-curated and thoroughly enjoyable set of ’50s, ’60s and ’70s truck-drivin’ country songs. “Giddyup Go, Daddy.”
I spent the evening of May 27 with the Cedar Rapids Kernels, leaving the city early the next morning. Cedar Rapids, I hardly knew ye.
May 28 was devoted to an Iowa Cubs matinee in Des Moines and then an Omaha Storm Chasers game in the evening. The next morning, before flying out of Omaha, I stopped at Almost Music. I somehow failed to take a photograph of this establishment, so here’s one from the Yelp page.
Almost Music, while small, was well-organized and featured a lot of off-the-beaten path kind of stuff for the heads and weirdos in your life. I picked up an R. Stevie Moore record (“Delicate Tension”) as well as a CD from local emcee Macey Yates (I had asked the guy at the counter to recommend an Omaha artist completely removed from the Saddle Creek universe).
And then? Then I went home. There are a lot of things I like about living in New York City, but you don’t get to see nearly enough bird’s nests. Thanks, Midwest, for the memories.
Earlier this month, I wrote a series of “Return to the Road” posts detailing my non-ballpark experiences during April’s trip to Florida. Today, I’ll move on to similar material, this time centering around late May’s quick jaunt through the Midwest.
May 23 was a whirlwind — an early flight from NYC to Chicago, an extremely long wait for a rental car, a quick hotel check-in and then a jam-packed evening with the Kane County Cougars. It was all a blur, and that feeling persisted into the next morning.
I had no idea which car in the hotel parking lot was mine! I took both of them, just to be sure.
From there it was on to a (rained out) afternoon with the Quad Cities River Bandits, followed by an early evening drive to Clinton, Iowa. At some point during this drive, I took a picture of some amusing rest stop bathroom graffiti. I wish that I could share it with you in full, but this is a family blog (you’re probably reading this with your family right now, as Ben’s Biz is one of the few things that unites the average American family in this fractured media age).
Clinton, a factory town, came through on the Mexican front. This restaurant, as you can see, was in close proximity to a smoking lamppost.
Despite an 80 percent ingredient overlap from dish to dish, El Tapatio had a menu whose length was roughly equivalent to that of the Old Testament.
I don’t remember what I ordered, exactly, but it was, essentially, steak and eggs and rice and beans. Fundamental. (In the below photo, note that I was still reading an Athlon baseball preview magazine in late May. Those things take me forever to get through, as I am one of those obsessive types who reads every word of every page.)
The next morning, May 25, I drove to Clinton’s Eagle Point Park and took a stroll.
While I had less than an hour in which to wander around the premises, I’m glad that I visited Eagle Park. If you should ever be in Clinton, to see the LumberKings or otherwise, then I suggest that you do so as well. The park overlooks the Mississippi River, which, as it runs past Clinton, is at one of its widest points.
This brief pit stop was motivated by then-Richmond Flying Squirrels (and now Virginia Tech) broadcaster Jon Laaser, who consistently paid tribute to pitcher Jack Snodgrass via creative use of the “word” Snodgrass.
One of many examples.
After witnessing a Memorial Day doubleheader in Clinton, I drove back to Quad Cities and caught the second game of the River Bandits’ doubleheader against the Chiefs. From there, it was time for a nighttime drive to Peoria so that I would be well-positioned to see those very same Chiefs the following evening.
The second — and final — entry of this Midwest-based “Return to the Road” saga will begin in Peoria. We’ll see how it plays.
To see all of posts from my May 28, 2015 visit to the Omaha Storm Chasers (this is Part Three) click HERE. To see all of the posts from my May 2015 trip through the Midwest, click HERE. To see ALL of my “On the Road” posts (going back to 2010), click HERE.
Shortly after May 28th’s Omaha Storm Chasers game began, I rendezvoused with a fan by the name of Paul Biler.
But Paul was not just any fan. Paul was that evening’s designated eater (you know, the individual who consumes the ballpark cuisine that my gluten-free diet prohibits). I picked the right man for the job.
Paul is “from Toledo by way of Utica,” but has lived in Omaha since 1997. His family made the move to Nebraska after his wife got a job as a private investigator for a health insurance company. Paul now works for Mutual of Omaha, but he also has an extensive background as a radio deejay. His most recent work in that regard was for Omaha oldies station KGOR, but for the majority of our time together his mouth would be used for the consumption of food. That, in a nutshell, is why Paul volunteered to be designated eater in the first place.
“I can eat,” he said.
Our journey began with the “Cor-dog-o”, a new addition to the Werner Park concession menu. It is named in honor of general manager Martie Cordaro, who became enamored with it after it was originally served as a Nashville-inspired “Eat Your Opponent” specialty item. I’ll defer to the press release:
OMAHA, Neb. – This season the Omaha Storm Chasers are bestowing their President and General Manager Martie Cordaro with the highest honor a Minor League Baseball team can give: naming a hot dog after him. The “Cor-Dog-O” is one of many new food items fans can try this season from Ovations Concessions at Werner Park.
A concession item that was long overdue, only the “Cor-Dog-O” can truly reflect the “interesting” personality and style of Martie Cordaro. The specialty item consists of two hot dogs, pulled pork and coleslaw wrapped in a tortilla shell, one of the only hot dogs at Werner Park that is not served in the traditional hot dog bun.
A closer look:
“Oh, that is good,” said Paul after his first bite. “I only got the dog side of it, but I can definitely taste barbecue sauce.”
He then took another bite, leading him to declare that “the pulled pork is wonderful.”
When informed by Storm Chasers executive chef John Schow that the barbecue sauce used was local favorite Cookies (a molasses-based sauce), Paul was enthused.
“If you’re having a party, put a pound of Vienna sausages in the slow cooker and then throw some Cookies on it,” he said. “Cook it for four hours, and then it’s perfect.”
Next up was an item that can be procured at “Poldberg’s Philly Grill,” named after Storm Chasers manager Brian Poldberg.
Oh, man. Let’s take a closer look.
“The corned beef is nice and lean, and there’s a good zing from the dressing,” said Paul. “Definitely, a heart attack in a bun.”
We then moved on to the Champ Burger, created by Schow in 2013 after the Storm Chasers won the PCL Championship. It consists of three 1/3 pound patties, bacon, ham and onion rings.
Schow was enamored with Paul’s eating efforts, and eventually told me “I want a photo with that guy.” So, here you go:
“It’s a sweet gig,” he told me. “I mean, killer.”
And, clearly, he’s doing killer things with it. Hopefully not in the literal sense, but items like this will certainly accelerate one’s path to the boneyard:
This is the Midwest delicacy known as the “Frenchee” — American cheese on white bread, deep-fried.
“Of course it’s Rotellas,” replied Schow.
These two were definitely on the same wavelength.
“Say a prayer for me,” added Paul, overwhelmed by the amount of food he was now dealing with.
“Sir, I have a couple times already,” replied Schow.
If you want a Frenchee outside of the ballpark, Paul mentioned that local restaurant Don and Millie’s is known for them.
“It’s hot, definitely something you want to break open and let cool for a while,” said Paul. “It could use more cheese. Mostly I’m tasting bread.”
But that was a rare criticism of what was clearly a fantastic culinary experience.
“The food here is great,” said Paul. “I’ve been to a lot of ballparks where the food is pedestrian, but here there’s a lot of stuff that’s unique to the Omaha area.”
I’m writing this post some three weeks after visiting Omaha, but for all I know Paul is still at the ballpark making his way through what was a most prodigious dinner. He sure had his work cut out for him.
Oh, and for the record: I would like to commend the Storm Chasers for offering gluten-free hot dogs at the ballpark. I enjoyed one later in the ballgame.
To see all of posts from my May 28, 2015 visit to the Omaha Storm Chasers (this is Part Two) click HERE. To see all of the posts from my May 2015 trip through the Midwest, click HERE. To see ALL of my “On the Road” posts (going back to 2010), click HERE.
Okay, so where was I?
Oh, that’s right. I was at a Minor League Baseball game. A Pacific Coast League Baseball game, to be exact, though I was nowhere near the Pacific Coast. Welcome back to Werner Park, home of the Omaha Storm Chasers.
I was accompanied by general manager Martie Cordaro throughout these wanderings. He pointed out that the scoreboard shoots flames after each home run as well as after each Storm Chasers victory. See those propane tanks hooked up in the back there?
I made it a goal for the evening — to take a photo of the flaming scoreboard. I’d already missed an opportunity in the third inning, when I was otherwise engaged with Mr. Biler, when Francisco Pena hit a solo shot.
Beyond the scoreboard is an impressive array of flags.
The blue flag on the far left celebrates the American League champion status of the Kansas City Royals, but it should not be overlooked that the Storm Chasers have won back-to-back Pacific Coast League championships. Here’s Martie modeling his 2014 PCL championship ring on one finger, and a giveaway replica ring on the other. Can you tell which is which?
I was gonna be all snarky about the sponsorship, like “Yeah, of course, because nothing says “backyard games of Wiffle ball” like a jewelry retailer. But I’m slow on the uptake — this is a diamond company sponsoring a diamond. Genius! (Yes, genius. This is the internet, where hyperbole reigns and words have lost their meaning.)
The field is real grass; the Storm Chasers have already replaced the sod twice. The blue metal poles in the sign seen above were taken from the team’s previous home of Rosenblatt Stadium.
Picnic area, coming soon!
With the ballgame winding down, I paid a visit to section 118. Jerry Strawn, a well-known figure at the ballpark and in the Omaha community, passed away suddenly during the offseason and his fellow fans paid tribute with a seat bearing his catch-all catch phrase. Read all about it on MiLB.com.
Jerry Strawn, in his signature Cubs/Storm Chasers jersey.
In honor of Jerry Strawn. Hey Buddy!
The Storm Chasers scored two runs in the bottom of the ninth to knot the game at 5-5. Time for extra innings on this, the last day of what had been an exhausting road trip. At this point no fewer than four Storm Chasers had hit home runs, and I had yet to capture an image of the flaming scoreboard.
The Storm Chasers won it in the bottom of the 10th. Orlando Calixte doubled to lead off the inning, advanced to third on a sac bunt and scored on a Lane Adams single. This marked the second PCL walkoff victory I’d seen that day, the Iowa Cubs in the afternoon and the Storm Chasers at night. Let’s review:
And, hey! Flaming scoreboard. My night was a success.
And that’ll be all from Omaha. I had a great time, and I’m not lion.
To see all of posts from my May 28, 2015 visit to the Omaha Storm Chasers (this is Part One) click HERE. To see all of the posts from my May 2015 trip through the Midwest, click HERE. To see ALL of my “On the Road” posts (going back to 2010), click HERE.
The last time I was in Omaha was September of 2010, attending the final game at Rosenblatt Stadium. The city’s Pacific Coast League team, then known as the Royals, was slated to move to a new stadium in the nearby town of Papillion the following season. As part of this 2010 visit, I swung by the stadium construction site and got a sense of what this new facility would look like.
The stadium, now known as Werner Park, is home to the Omaha Storm Chasers. If nothing else, the parking is ample.
The area surrounding the ballpark still possesses a rural feel. However, Storm Chasers general manager Martie Cordaro reports that 150 houses are under construction in the immediate area, as well as additional commercial and recreational development.
The home and visiting clubhouses are located in left field, with a ramp leading across the concourse and down onto the playing field. The Storm Chasers clubhouse is on the right, as in toward center field.
Six seconds of Stormy https://t.co/PsoNndaZR5
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 28, 2015
This is Stormy. He’s anemometer-ically correct.
It was a gray Thursday night, decent but far from ideal conditions for baseball. Martie told me that, the day before, the team had experienced what he deemed to be the best weather in Werner Park history. And, on top of that, the team had staged a star-studded “Salute to the Kansas City Royals” promo in honor of their long-time parent club.
“You should have been here yesterday,” said Martie, echoing a sentiment that has been expressed to me by Minor League general managers across the land.
But it wasn’t yesterday. It was today. In the next post of this Storm Chasers saga, I’ll cover the today that was in further detail.
On Wednesday, May 27th, I attended a Cedar Rapids Kernels game. The next morning, I checked out of my hotel and began the westward drive toward my next destination of Omaha. More or less midway between these two locales sits Iowa’s capitol city of Des Moines, the home of the Iowa Cubs. And, wouldn’t you know it? The Cubs were playing an afternoon game. I decided that it was my moral duty to attend.
Welcome to Principal Park, the home of the Iowa Cubs. (As you may recall, I visited here in 2010.)
By the time I had arrived at Principal Park, the game was already in the fourth inning. My time in Des Moines was destined to be a mere cameo, as opposed to the leading roles I had become accustomed to elsewhere on this trip. Shortly after arriving I rendezvoused with I-Cubs “director of consumer experience” Scott Sailor, a gracious guy who, true to his nature, graciously led me around the ballpark through the remainder of the ballgame.
We began on the ballpark’s upper levels.
A cadre of interns were working the new videoboard.
I spent some time gazing upon the graphic scorecard art of former video intern Sam Thompson.
— Iowa Cubs (@IowaCubs) August 14, 2014
Principal Park was just the second ballpark I’ve visited this year to have a pitch clock; the first was the Baseball Grounds of Jacksonville. In Jacksonville the pitch clock was operated by the PA announcer via a tablet computer. Here in Iowa, media relations intern Brock Borgeson (a relief pitcher at nearby Simpson College) ran the clock through this Daktronics console.
“We kind of have to respond to what the umps want,” he said. “Do we stop the clock on balls in the dirt? Some say to start the clock when the pitcher gets the ball [back from the catcher], others want it to start once [the pitcher’s] on the rubber.”
Borgeson also said that the umpires often exercise discretion as to when, exactly, to start the between-inning pitch clock.
“Sometimes they’ll wave me off, to give players more time,” he said. “Like if the pitcher was in the on-deck circle, or the catcher was on base.”
After speaking with Borgeson, it was off to to the radio booth to do an inning on the air with Deene Ehlis (left) and Randy Wehofer. Friends of this blog are of course familiar with Wehofer, who is a movie star.
Tilley coordinates travel arrangements for the team, and in the Pacific Coast League this can be a fraught process. While he’s smiling in the above photo, he probably wasn’t by the end of the day. The I-Cubs post-game journey to El Paso most definitely did not go as planned — read all about it in this MiLB.com article.
Did I mention that this game was flying right along? After emerging from Tilley’s lair, Scott and I found that it was already the top of the ninth inning. Brian Schlitter was coming in to pitch for the Cubs, who were losing by a score of 2-0.
Scott and I soon moved to first row seats behind the third base dugout. I kept trying, and failing, to secure a shot of a rotating graphic which, apropos of nothing, wished me a happy birthday. Oh, well. It’s a new scoreboard, and it’s very nice to look at anyway.
I also had missed this fourth inning graphic, in which a plug for this blog was incorporated into a between-inning contest.
Anyhow, yeah, there was a ballgame going on and this ballgame was in its waning stages. I’m not exactly sure what it was that provoked him, but at some point during the top of the ninth Cubs manager Marty Pevey came out and gave the home plate umpire a piece of his mind. He went from “perturbed” to “apoplectic” in approximately 15 seconds.
Post-ejection walk for Iowa manager Marty Pevey. He was peeved-y. https://t.co/hhE8CluzSd
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 28, 2015
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Arismendy Alcantara and Adron Chambers both singled to start the frame. A light rain had just begun, and Scott suggested that we move to a dry location.
“Let’s go up and get out of the rain,” he said. “Unless you want to see this walk-off from down here.”
We hustled up the stairs, resolving to watch the game from a protected concourse location.
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 28, 2015
The I-Cubs won, 3-2, in a game that took a crisp two hours and 15 minutes to complete. After waiting out a brief traffic jam in the parking lot, it was on to Omaha.
Life on the road, you’ve gotta love it.
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 28, 2015
To see all of my posts from my May 27, 2015 visit to the Cedar Rapids Kernels (this is Part Three) click HERE. To see all of the posts from my May 2015 trip through the Midwest, click HERE. To see ALL of my “On the Road” posts (going back to 2010), click HERE.
This is Tim Mullin.
May 27, 2015, was to be a very special day for Tim. For on May 27, 2015, he visited the Cedar Rapids Kernels and served as my Designated Eater (you know, the individual who consumes the ballpark cuisine that my gluten-free diet prohibits).
Tim, a Indianapolis native who now lives in Chicago, is very familiar with the Minor League scene. In addition to owning his own production company, Park Walk Productions, he the author of the (recommended) Baseball Road Trips: Midwest and the Great Lakes.
“I’m glad that I can share in the experience, because I’m typically alone at the ballpark,” said Tim, referring to a professional state of being that I’m familiar with. “I’m definitely qualified [to be the designated eater]. but maybe that’s not something to be proud of.”
Tim wasted no time in getting down to business. When I met him on the concourse at the start of the game, he had already procured this pork tenderloin sandwich.
The Pork Tenderloin is, quite literally, bigger than Tim’s head. It is bigger than just about any human’s head, unless that human happened to have a cranium of Bochyian proportions.
Tim had procured this sandwich from a concourse kiosk that only sells pork tenderloin sandwiches. (Hey, it’s the Midwest). His had lemon pepper seasoning and a citrus BBQ sauce, along with “tons of pickles for resistance.”
When put up against Tim, the pork tenderloin offered little resistance.
“You’ve got to hit it at an angle,” he said. “It’s good to get a little bit of bread to accentuate the meat.”
Designated Eater checks in, Cedar Rapids Kernels https://t.co/PppLNOTkG4
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 27, 2015
Tim reported that Iowan pork tenderloin sandwiches are actually smaller than those found in his home state of Indiana. Also, he was gratified to learn that the Kernels’ version of this sandwich was not deep-fried. “I think that’s what skyrocketed Indiana into obesity,” said Tim. “The fried pork tenderloin sandwich.” As for the Kernels’ iteration of the Pork Tenderloin, Tim declared it to be “outstanding.”
“I’ve never seen a grilled one at the ballpark before,” he said. “They do it fresh here, take the whole patty and just throw it on the grill. Like, ‘Whoa, isn’t this supposed to be frozen?’ It’s great.”
However, as great as the Kernels’ pork tenderloin was, Tim said it wasn’t the best he’d ever had. He bestowed that honor upon the Bourbon Street Distillery in Indianapolis, instead.
“But I’m getting toward 50, so I have to phase [Pork Tenderloin Sandwiches] out of my life,” he said.
“Whoa, you don’t look 50,” I replied.
“I’m cherubic. I feel like I’m cheating on my wife right now. She watches out for my diet, and is constantly pulling me out of trouble.”
As for me, Ben’s Biz, I’m a lone wolf. I don’t have anyone to pull me out of trouble. I must look out for myself. But I didn’t even need to look out for myself while in Cedar Rapids, as the Kernels were already looking out for me via a substantial slate of gluten-free items on the concession menu.
Excuse the quality of this photograph. It’s the thought that counts.
I opted for a gluten-free jumbo dog, which was delicious. The bun had a great consistency, melded well with the dog and (the ultimate test for a GF bun), did’t fall apart. (I need to look into what brand of bun this was. I somehow seemed to have neglected this crucial bit of information.) Who needs a designated eater?
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 28, 2015
But, don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about Tim. Our next stop was this riotous build-your-own burger and hot dog stand.
“In Chicago it’s a mortal sin to put anything but mustard on a hot dog, but I’m tempted to try mayonnaise on this,” said Tim. “The dog’s fantastic, but this might be the saltiest thing I’ve ever eaten. It tastes like a Polish sausage, but girthier, if that’s a word. I’m gonna speed dial my cardiologist.”
And that’s where we say goodbye to Tim, as he eats his foot-long frankfurter BLT.
“If Ben Hill said he needed somebody to eat for him, and at the end of the day you get thrown off a cliff, I’d do it,” said Tim. “It’s fun. It really is.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
To see all of my posts from my May 27, 2015 visit to the Cedar Rapids Kernels (this is Part Two) click HERE. To see all of the posts from my May 2015 trip through the Midwest, click HERE. To see ALL of my “On the Road” posts (going back to 2010), click HERE.
When the previous post in this series had concluded, a ballgame had just begun in Cedar Rapids. Mr. Shucks, Kernels mascot extraordinaire, was overjoyed at the sight of players on the field. He always is.
I spent the first several innings of the game with one Tim Mullin, who served as my “designated eater.” We’ll get to Tim in a separate post, but here’s a sneak peak of who we’ll be dealing with.
The Fish Fling is pretty simple. I, as the contestant, would hold the net, and the fish would then be “flung” in my general direction via a slingshot. I was told that if I caught three fish in a row I’d become the inaugural member of the Fish Fling Hall of Fame, and that no one had yet earned these aquatic accolades because this game is harder than it looks. The fish, when in the air, vacillate wildly like the fish out of water that they are. Their aerial path from slingshot to net is unpredictable at best.
My camera and phone were handed off to members of the Kernel promo team, who amused themselves accordingly.
The first shot….
So close, and yet so far. When the contest began I could smell, however faintly, the sweet notes of success wafting through the air. But in the end, I was yet again overwhelmed with the pungent funk of failure. (Or maybe that was just the fish?)
A defeated man in a wrinkled shirt, making the best of a deeply disappointing situation.
My next stop was the Cedar Rapids Kernels’ clubhouse, which is inhabited (literally) by legendary 71-year-old clubhouse manager Ron “Roady” Plein. Here’s Roady standing in front of his in-stadium apartment, which is located directly next to the laundry room.
For the full-lowdown on Roady, please refer to my MiLB.com story. This story also includes the perspective of Roady’s “protege,” 56-year-old clubhouse managing rookie Eric Oliver.
While I was in the home clubhouse, each of the two Kernels players who passed through immediately identified me as “The Fish Guy” and remarked how entertaining my on-field failure had been to those in the dugout. Guess that’s gotta count for something.
Anyhow, after exiting the clubhouse the first thing that I saw was the Tooth Fairy. Just another night in Minor League Baseball.
While in the Hawk’s Nest, I came face to face with the “Roady” bobblehead. Roady’s on the right, while on the left is a bobblehead honoring long-time bat boy “Jon-Jon” Teig.
It was that kind of night. Nothing much left to do but make a groundbreaking and subversive joke.
Your groundbreaking and subversive ballpark joke of the day. https://t.co/MXvz0aOk8o
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 28, 2015
Further hallway explorations revealed this “Kernels Quilt,” designed by JoAnn Nelson (wife of former general manager Doug Nelson) and stitched by Jeannie Ellers of Guttenberg, Iowa.
But, really, there’s no need to thank me. It was my pleasure.
To see all of my posts from my May 27, 2015 visit to the Cedar Rapids Kernels (this is Part One) click HERE. To see all of the posts from my May 2015 trip through the Midwest, click HERE. To see ALL of my “On the Road” posts (going back to 2010), click HERE.
The penultimate stop of my second road trip of the season was Cedar Rapids, home of the Kernels. The Kernels play at an awkwardly-named facility by the name of “Perfect Game Field at Veterans Memorial Stadium,” which opened in 2002 in the same location as the “old” Veterans Memorial Stadium (which opened in 1949). The ballpark is located just off of “Kurt Warner Way,” named in honor of the Cedar Rapids high school graduate turned Super Bowl MVP.
I had never been to Cedar Rapids before — in fact, this was the last Midwest League team I had yet to visit — and I really didn’t have too much of an idea regarding what to expect. I guess, if anything, I was expecting a more sedate Midwest League atmosphere. More Clinton, say, than West Michigan. But the Kernels’ experience is fairly riotous — a blaring sound system, many theme night promos, and colorful, chaotic concourse signage.
It was “Free Money Wednesday” on the evening that I visited, sponsored by a local credit union. It’s simple — upon entering the ballpark, fans are handed an envelope that contains anywhere from $1 (likely) to $100 (unlikely).
Here’s what my envelope contained:
Free Money in Cedar Rapids! https://t.co/USLHLeWkZ6
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 27, 2015
The view from the concourse behind home plate featured blue sky aplenty. This was a recurring aspect of this particular trip. Maybe I got lucky as regards the time of year that I visited, but the early evening sky in these Iowa baseball locales was consistently beautiful.
For the record, the Kernels are one of the only teams to offer “shots” as part of of the ballpark drink menu. I don’t think I’ve ever seen shots available on the concourse before, as these concentrated blasts of hard alcohol are usually only available in private group areas with a standalone bar. (And, no, I don’t know what a “Monster” is either.)
And speaking of hard liquor: Prior to the game, I was delighted to hear an announcement to the effect of “Fans, while the pitcher is warming up in the bullpen, let us remind you to warm up with Cedar Ridge Iowa bourbon whisky.” If I hadn’t been on the job, I most definitely would have taken them up on this offer.
Some ballpark views, before the game began:
This didn’t come out either, but it was what I found to be the most interesting thing in the Hall of Fame: a 1940 letter from a local radio station requesting permission to broadcast Cedar Rapids Raiders games from within the ballpark. The belief at the time was that radio broadcasts would hurt ticket sales, so the team wouldn’t allow broadcaster Bert Puckett to call games from inside. Instead, Puckett called the action from a nearby rooftop.
I almost never buy items in team stores, as I have too much random swag as it is. But I made an exception on this evening, purchasing this shirt featuring the logos of all Midwest League teams. Why? Because, now that I was in Cedar Rapids, I had successfully visited all 16 Midwest League clubs. Career milestone!
Kids know how to hit those anthem high notes https://t.co/fqvgMWCi2o
— Benjamin Hill (@bensbiz) May 27, 2015
And with that it was time to, yes, play ball.