Tagged: rock paper scissors

Superstar Sluggers and the Scantily Clad in Jersey

The baseball season is a grind, even if you’re just writing about it. Here’s some more grist for the mill, so that things don’t come to a grinding halt.

Let’s start with the Lakewood BlueClaws, whose quest to retire Ryan Howard’s number has had more twists and turns than a Chubby Checker concert on Lombard Street.


The team had planned to retire the number of this prominent 2002 alumnus on September
2nd, with Howard himself in attendance. A Phillies make-up game was
added to the schedule on this date, however, rendering the guest of honor unavailable.

Thumbnail image for Lakewood_BusterBlur.JPGBut Howard went on the disabled list with a sprained ankle earlier this month, and he’ll be playing in
Lakewood TONIGHT as part of his rehab assignment. So the number
retirement ceremony is now back on
, honoring a player who will in fact be in the
starting line-up.

And consider this:

Howard previously rehabbed with Lakewood in 2007, knocking in four runs over two games. This gave him 91 RBIs as a BlueClaw, tying him for the all-time franchise record. He’ll have a chance to break the tie on Friday, leading to the following question: Has any player in the history of the game ever broken a prominent franchise record while on a rehab assignment with a team that is also retiring his number?

My guess would be “no.”

And since we’re on the topic of New Jersey Minor League Baseball, I’d like to bring your attention to the extravaganza that occurred in Trenton on Tuesday.

The Thunder staged “Football Kickoff Night”, featuring Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders and team mascot Swoop. 


A jewelry-wearing eight-year-old autographing a baseball for a triumvirate of cheerleaders would have made a great Norman Rockwell painting.

Also on the agenda was the Thunder’s second annual “Rock, Paper, Scissors” tournament, won by Mr. Rob Prakriya of Pennington, NJ and presided over by a sneering referee:



Finally, last week’s post on Omaha’s Star Wars Night generated a tremendous amount of traffic to this woebegone corner of the blogosphere. I am nothing if not a pandering sycophant, so please enjoy two more “Star Wars Night” photos. These emanate from Lowell, home of the Spinners:

Lowell_Chewyand Darth.JPG


That’s going to do it for me this week. I’ll be back in all my angst-ridden glory on Monday, ready to return to that which has swallowed me whole.


Trenton Makes (Contests Involving Mustaches, Meat, and Two-Person Hand Games), The World Takes

Thumbnail image for trenton_logo.GIFThe term “less is more” is bandied about quite often in these waste-conscious times, but this aphorism rarely applies to the world of Minor League Baseball.

More often than not, “More is More” is a superior promotional philosophy. That was certainly the angle taken by the Trenton Thunder during last month’s “Weird Contest Week”, as the club staged off-kilter competitions over three consecutive ballgames and marketed it as a 72-hour exercise in absurdity.

Tuesday, August 18 was “Mustache Night”, featuring free admission for those with upper lip hair. The facial hair of prominent New York Yankees was celebrated throughout the ballgame, and a “best mustache” contest was staged as well.

The winner of what must have been a heated competition was Mr. Andy Aupperle, who sported an angular look of style and precision:

Trenton -- Mustache Contest Winner.jpg

Is it just me, or does Aupperle look like a better-groomed version of Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton?


It’s okay…you can say it’s just me.

Meanwhile, other fans extended the definition of mustache to include both “pasted-on words” and “discarded dreadlock”. And by “other fans” I mean “this particular family”:

Trenton -- Mustache Family.jpg

The Thunder have 44 photos from this evening posted on their webpage. While this one doesn’t have anything to do with mustaches, I still feel compelled to share it:

Trenton -- Mustache Night Huge Sandwich.jpg

I believe that the top and bottom layers of that sandwich contain pork roll. I am a fan of pork roll, on levels both edible and anthropomorphic.

At any rate, the above fan would have been more at home during part II of “Weird Contest Week”, as the team staged a hot-dog eating contest. Observe this well-crafted short film:

Congratulations to winner Chad Heidel, who is employed by the team as a group sales account representative. As one can see from the video, Heidel’s victory resulted in instant celebrity status. Currently, “Chad Heidel” is surpassed only by “Kanye West”, “Patrick Swayze”, and “Tom Brady Sux” when it comes to the most common internet search engine queries.

Meanwhile, I find the nonchalance of this hot dog disturbing. He is overseeing the massacre of his own kind:

Trenton -- Costumed Hot Dog.jpg

The third and final “Weird Contest” was August 20th’s “Rock, Paper, Scissors” competition.

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors.jpg

Check out these riveting action shots:

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors action.jpg

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors Challenger.jpg

Trenton -- Rock Paper Scissors Champ.jpg

It was the gentleman above who emerged triumphant, a gentleman who goes by the name of Tim Ukaj (I’m going to go ahead and assume that his theme song is “We Will ‘Rock’ You”). Here, Mr. Ukaj basks in the glow of victory:

Trenton -- Rock Scissors Paper Trophy.jpg

That trophy doesn’t appear to have anything to do with “Rock, Paper, Scissors”, but there may be some subtle details that my all-too-human eyes are unable to discern.

Either way, I like that the Thunder took three common Minor League promos and bundled them together in order to create a whole greater than the sum of its parts. Hopefully other teams will build on this concept, so that one day we may be blessed with “Weird Contest Month”, “Weird Contest Year”, and, finally, “Weird Contest Entirety of Existence.”

More is more.