Like an extra-marital liaison between Howie and Shelley, today’s stint at Reading’s FirstEnergy Stadium was a very Long affair (so long that you are left with sentences like the preceding). But sleep cannot come until this post is done, so let’s get to it.
The R-Phils staged a tribute to the inimitable Crazy Hot Dog Vendor this evening, and I was more than happy to get in on the act:
I was just one of many Crazy Hot Dog Vendor imitators at the ballpark, however, as Reading has gone mad for this ostrich-riding aerial distributor of encased meats. The CHDV is the alter-ego of long-time front office employee Matt Jackson, who was very much in demand throughout Sunday’s extravaganza. Here he is getting ready to meat the masses, with and without the help of his personal trainer:
The kids were out in force, a full 90 minutes before the game:
You’ll notice, of course, that many of these kids were proudly wearing that day’s “Crazy Hot Dog Vendor T-Shirt” giveaway. Soon after the Q and A, an assemblage of the CHDV’s most die-hard fans got to go onto the field and perform with their hero. Thanks to the fortuitous existence of a spare ostrich, I was able to join them:
One enthusiastic youngster explained his hot dog-throwing strategy as follows (I’m paraphrasing here, you can’t ride an ostrich and take notes at the same time): “You’ve got to find the people who aren’t going crazy, and then pretend you’re going to throw it to them. Then find someone who is going crazy.”
As for me, my performance was lackluster. I lamely identified myself as “The Apprentice (awkward pause) of the Crazy Hot Dog Vendor” on the mic, and then all my spare hot dogs fell out of my breast pocket after my first throw. Also, I think I hurt my right knee somehow.
But anyway, after these misadventures I finally had the chance to limp around the premises. FirstEnergy Stadium (not to be confused with FirstEnergy Park) is nearly 60 years old, but the R-Phils have maximized seemingly every inch of available space. There is a lot going on, everywhere, and an old-time carnival aesthetic prevails:
The R-Phils players were decked out in these quite-spectacular CHDV jerseys (next two photos credited to Ralph Trout/Reading Phillies):
Meanwhile, the CHDV was basking in the adulation under the third base stands:
Screwball also has his share of loyal fans, who lined up for pictures and autographs as if he was Santa Claus:
Meanwhile, gm Scott Hunsicker (dressed for the occasion) was leading an ALS charity auction, selling off autographed memorabilia to the highest bidder:
Only in Reading would you see a post-game interview that looks like this:
And only at 4:21 a.m. would you see a blog post ending like this.
Dennis “Mr. Belding” Haskins was the guest of honor at last year’s “Mad Tight ’90s” promotion in Fresno, and ever since he’s been leaving a jovial trail of destruction across the Minor League landscape.
The “Saved By the Bell” principal’s most recent stop was Reading, PA, where he did just about everything a celebrity guest can possibly do. In addition to the obligatory autograph signing, picture posing, and ceremonial first pitch throwing, he also went ahead and sang the seventh-inning stretch, made impromptu appearances in nose-breaking post-game player interviews, and enthusiastically praised the state of Pennsylvania before delivering his “What Is Going On Here?” catchphrase.
And, of course, there was the karaoke. Haskins is a karaoke professional of sorts, having released a sing-a-long cd last year. Let’s go to the pictures.
I’m not sure who the bigger Screwball is here:
The grand finale, in which Mr. Belding rides a carrot:
And speaking of Carrot Top…
Somebody get me a crown and a two-wheeled scooter, because I am the king of segues.